Rank1) Me. Because if I can't take care of myself and be happy with myself, than I can't care for and be happy with anyone else.
Rank2) Josh. He is my partner, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, my center, and basically an extension of myself.
Rank 3) My friends and family. My family (mainly my mother and step father) have done a great deal for me, and so have the individuals whom I keep close to me.
Now, on another note, I am, or try my very best to be as independent as possible. I don't need or ask much of people, I don't even necessarily enjoy being around people for extended periods of time (and that's anyone except Josh, which is obviously why I want to marry him....duh....). I like to figure out how to do things on my own, and most of the time, I like to be on my own. I AM NOT A TEAM PLAYER.
I'm not a typical girl, I don't enjoy shopping for clothes and underwear (unless I'm by myself), I hate having phone conversations, I don't like getting manicures and having my hair done, and I fucking hate the he said, she said bullshit highschool drama...
Next, and this is why the most of you will call me selfish, insensitive, and unkind... There is nothing in life, that I don't see as temporary...because life itself is temporary. So friendships, relationships, careers, EVERYTHING will some day end. Therefore, I don't see the point of any of those things becoming obstacles in the way of my future, my self actualization, and my goals as a person. When all else fails, and I have no one else, the only thing I will have, is myself, and if all I've ever done is live my life according to the expectations and desires of others, I will have NOTHING.
Some day, I will be gone from here. I will not longer live in the same place, or I might die the day after tomorrow when a semi runs me off the highway and my car flips over a guard rail... WHO KNOWS. So don't expect me to stick around forever and hold your hand through life, because I won't. The most important thing for me RIGHT NOW (because that is all there is), is being myself, being true to myself, and experiencing just that. I have my own agenda, my own goals, and nothing and no one can stand in my way and expect me to stop.
Again, another note....On expectations. As you all may know, I don't really have them. Not for my friends and family at least. If I give you 20 dollars, I don't expect it back, I give it because I can afford to at that particular moment. If I help you move on a balls ass hot sunday afternoon when I could be lounging by the pool side, rubbing sun tan lotion all over my sweaty skin, I don't expect you to do the same for me in return. But why not? Isn't that what friends do for each other? No, fuck that! Friends do shit for other friends because they want to make things easier for each other and because they want to be in each other's company. If you want to give me something back in return, I'm not gonna say no...but if you don't want to, I don't really give a shit. No friendship is based upon owing someone something....that isn't a friendship, or any kind of relationship that is in any way healthy....that's what's called a fucking BANK.
Ok, so there it is. That's me in a nutshell...Let me re-cap just in case you didn't get it the first time around...
1) ALL friends and family come after MYSELF and my relationship with Josh.
2) Don't be co-dependent on me, my opinions or the things I choose in life, because I won't be here forever.
3) I'm not gonna expect anything of you, so I hope you can extend me the same courtesy.
There you go...
I really don't know why the lot of you are friends with an egocentric, anti-social, insensitive individual such as myself, when my priorities are obviously not where some of you would like them to be.
But whatever, this is me....and either you like it, or you don't, that's entirely up to you.
Cheers
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